Okay, I didn’t think of these, but they’re funny.
Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions.
White minorities still trying to have English recognized as Mexifornia’s 3rd language.
Spotted Owl plague threatens NW US crops & livestock.
Baby conceived natureally! Scientists stumped.
Couple petitions court to reinstate heterosexual marriage.
Iran still closed off; physicists estimate it will take at least 10 more years before radioactivity decreases to safe levels.
France pleads for global help after being taken over by Jamaica. No other country comes forward to help the beleaguered nation!
Castro finally dies at age 112; Cuban cigars can now be imported legally, but President Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking.
George Z Bush says he’ll run for Pres. in 2036.
USPS raises price of 1st class stamp to $17.89 & reduces mail delivery to Wednesdays only.
85-year $75.8 billion study: Diet & exercise is the key to weight loss.
Avg. weight of Americans drops to 250 lbs.
Global cooling blamed for citrus crop failure for 3rd consecutive year in Mexifornia & Floruba.
Japanese scientists have created a camera with such a fast shutter speed they now can photo a woman with her mouth shut.
Abortion clinics now available in every High School in US.
Senate still blocking drilling in ANWR even though gas is selling for 4532 Pesos per liter & gas stations are only open on Tuesdays & Fridays.
Massachusetts executes last remaining conservative.
SCOTUS rules punishment of criminals violates their civil rights.
Avg. height of NBA players is now 9’7".
New fed law requires that all nail clippers, screwdrivers, fly swatters, & rolled-up newspapers must be registered by Jan. 2030.
IRS sets lowest tax rate at 75%.