Letterman's Top Ten

This is an awesome site: [URL=http://www.cbs.com/latenight/lateshow/top_ten/archive/ls_topten_archive2005/ls_topten_archive_20050316.shtml]http://www.cbs.com/latenight/lateshow/top_ten/archive/ls_topten_archive2005/ls_topten_archive_20050316.shtml[/URL]

You could spend days on here. You can look up top ten lists by date or category (keywords).

Here are some good B-Ball ones:

[SIZE=3][B]Top Ten Signs You Won’t Be the College Basketball 'Player of the Year[/B]

[/SIZE][B]10.[/B] You’ve made more turnovers than Betty Crocker.
[B]9.[/B] You keep asking the coach what inning is it.
[B]8.[/B] You keep stepping on the referee’s foot with your high heels.
[B]7.[/B] You just got “drafted” to flip burgers at the local Wendy’s.
[B]6.[/B] The referee calls you for “just plain sucking.”
[B]5.[/B] Though the coach discourages it, you show up every game dressed like an astronaut.
[B]4.[/B] Your strategy: take a shot, do a shot.
[B]3.[/B] After every game, you receive a “thank you” note from the other team.
[B]2.[/B] Can’t take a shot without being blinded by ashes from your cigarette.
[B]1.[/B] Frequently called for hand-checking yourself.

[B][SIZE=3]Top Ten Signs Your Basketball Team Is Not Going to Win the NCAA Championship

[B]10.[/B] Power forward was featured on Ricki Lake’s “Too Fat to Love?” episode
[B]9.[/B] Whenever someone does a lay-up, he burns his arm on his cigarette
[B]8.[/B] Players always show up at away games exhausted from all the hitchhiking
[B]7.[/B] The Las Vegas odds against your team involve the sign for infinity
[B]6.[/B] Your center won’t stand during the national anthem because he’s too drunk
[B]5.[/B] The only thing Dick Vitale can say about them is, “These guys got a good grade point average, baby!”
[B]4.[/B] Players refuse to guard other team because they’re all “sticky and sweaty”
[B]3.[/B] Jesse Jackson is protesting against team for being “too white”
[B]2.[/B] They pointedly inform interviewers that the correct term is “little people,” not “midgets”
[B]1.[/B] Starting Center: Roger Ebert

[B][SIZE=3]Top Ten Signs Your Team Won’t Be Winning The NCAA Basketball Championship

[B]10.[/B] Your top player scores 20 points a game, but most of them are in the wrong basket.
[B]9.[/B] You spend most of the game guarding the mascot.
[B]8.[/B] Some of the players joined the team for the free headbands.
[B]7.[/B] Instead of drinking Gatorade, team uses timeouts to moisturize.
[B]6.[/B] Typical motivational speech: “Let’s hurry this up so we can shower.”
[B]5.[/B] The scorekeeper doesn’t bother to turn on your half of the scoreboard.
[B]4.[/B] In your region: North Carolina, Duke and the '98 Chicago Bulls.
[B]3.[/B] You lead the conference in nosebleeds.
[B]2.[/B] Team refuses to attend game beacuse they don’t want to miss a new episode of The George Lopez Show.
[B]1.[/B] Players ask themselves, “What would the Knicks do?”

And, for football:

[B][SIZE=3]Top Ten Signs The Football Game You Are Watching Is Fixed

[B]10.[/B] During the coin toss, a player calls “heads” and the ref says, “Yeah that’s close enough.”
[B]9.[/B] Instead of chanting “We’re number one,” players chant “We’re gonna cover.”
[B]8.[/B] John Elway has thrown five touchdown passes to the referee.
[B]7.[/B] Referee only blows his whistle to get the attention of beer vendor in the stands.
[B]6.[/B] One team leaves the field after the third quarter to “beat the traffic.”
[B]5.[/B] TV coverage features the “Budweiser Deliberate Fumble of the Game.”
[B]4.[/B] At the half they announce final score 21-17.
[B]3.[/B] Name of winning team–the Baltimore Bookies.
[B]2.[/B] One team gets a fifth down “for trying so hard.”
[B]1.[/B] The New York Giants are winning.


[B][SIZE=3]Top Ten Bad Titles For College Application Essays

[B]10.[/B] “Why I’m Gonna Get So Much Attention In College”
[B]9.[/B] “Chico, My Most Unforgettable Cellmate”
[B]8.[/B] “D’s = A’s: My High School’s Complex Grading System”
[B]7.[/B] “Gross Things I Did To Food When I Worked At McDonald’s”
[B]6.[/B] “I Hired Some Chinese Kid To Write This Essay”
[B]5.[/B] “Why The Admissions Director Loves His Car And Wouldn’t Want Anything Bad To Happen To It”
[B]4.[/B] “A Few Ideas On What To Do With All Those Annoying Elderly People”
[B]3.[/B] “Faith Hill: She’s A Good Singer, But Is She Really A Diva?”
[B]2.[/B] “Instead Of An Essay, Here’s a Photocopy Of My Ass”
[B]1.[/B] “One Year In College, Then ‘Hello, NBA!’”

[B][SIZE=3]Top Ten Signs You’ve Chosen the Wrong College

[B]10.[/B] “First ten students are offered jobs as professors”
[B]9.[/B] “Latin motto translates to ‘I can’t believe it’s not butter’”
[B]8.[/B] “‘Kollege’” is spelled with a ‘K’"
[B]7.[/B] “All that’s in library: paperback anthologies of ‘Garfield’”
[B]6.[/B] “The Dean’s List salutes students who’ve slept with the dean”
[B]5.[/B] “All buildings covered with ivy…on the inside”
[B]4.[/B] “You’re constantly being acosted by Al Qaeda recruiters”
[B]3.[/B] “‘Philosophy’ lectures are based on that day’s Jerry Springer Final Thought”
[B]2.[/B] “Most notable alumnus? Fema director Michael Brown”
[B]1.[/B] “You ask about the college endowment …and the admissions officer drops his pants”

[B][SIZE=3]Top Ten Signs You Won’t Be Getting Into College

[B]10.[/B] On visit to campus, you accidentally kill the school mascot
[B]9.[/B] Instead of a cap and gown, your high school gives you a McDonald’s uniform
[B]8.[/B] After four years of Spanish, you still can’t place an order at Taco Bell
[B]7.[/B] You took an S.A.T. preparation course that was advertised by Sally Struthers
[B]6.[/B] Your list of school activities includes words “Comet Hale-Bopp” and “castration”
[B]5.[/B] You tell admissions officer you’re looking forward to “some good, honest book-larnin’”
[B]4.[/B] Instead of application, you send in a [I]Where’s Waldo?[/I] book with all the Waldos circled
[B]3.[/B] You insist interviewer call you by your nickname: “Glue-Sniffin’ Eddie”
[B]2.[/B] Last time you picked up a book, Michael Jackson was black
[B]1.[/B] Your classmates voted you “Least Likely to Get into College”

[B][SIZE=3]Top Ten Signs Your New College Roommate is Nuts

[B]10.[/B] Walks around campus wearing nothing but a spiral notebook
[B]9.[/B] He orders Big Macs with extra condoms
[B]8.[/B] Whenever you put up a college pennant, he takes it down and eats it
[B]7.[/B] Keeps reminiscing about the time he was married to Larry King for a semester
[B]6.[/B] His personal web site: www.killmyroommate.com
[B]5.[/B] He keeps cutting the eyes out of your Hanson poster
[B]4.[/B] Claims to be majoring in something called “gettin’ some”
[B]3.[/B] His GPA’s lower than his blood alcohol level
[B]2.[/B] He says he wants to sleep on top, but you don’t have bunk beds
[B]1.[/B] Has his S.A.T. scores tattooed on his forehead

[B][SIZE=3]Top Ten Signs You’ve Chosen a Bad College

[B]10.[/B] They boast that 90% of their graduates eventually make parole
[B]9.[/B] The campus is roamed by packs of starving coyotes
[B]8.[/B] So-called “sports complex” consists of a kickball and a swing set
[B]7.[/B] Your letter of admission was signed by Sally Struthers
[B]6.[/B] The dean is being followed by a crew from “Hard Copy”
[B]5.[/B] History professor + fake mustache = English professor
[B]4.[/B] Graduation ceremonies are held in a local 7-eleven
[B]3.[/B] Final project in Biology: dissecting a Snickers bar
[B]2.[/B] Orientation video features Frank Gifford and a flight attendant
[B]1.[/B] Average S.A.T. score: 2