[FONT=Arial][SIZE=3]1. I am currently out of the office at a job interview and will reply to you if I fail to get the position. Please be prepared for my mood.[/SIZE][/FONT]
[FONT=Arial][SIZE=3]2. You are receiving this automatic notification because I am out of the office. If I was in, chances are you wouldn’t have received anything at all.[/SIZE][/FONT]
[FONT=Arial][SIZE=3]3. Sorry to have missed you, but I’m at the doctor’s having my brain and heart removed so I can be promoted to our management team.[/SIZE][/FONT]
[FONT=Arial][SIZE=3]4. I will be unable to delete all the emails you send me until I return from vacation. Please be patient, and your mail will be deleted in the order it was received.[/SIZE][/FONT]
[FONT=Arial][SIZE=3]5. Thank you for your email. Your credit card has been charged $5.99 for the first 10 words and $1.99 for each additional word in your message.[/SIZE][/FONT]
[FONT=Arial][SIZE=3]6. The email server is unable to verify your server connection. Your message has not been delivered. Please restart your computer and try sending again. [/SIZE][/FONT]
[FONT=Arial][SIZE=3](The beauty of this is that when you return, you can see who did this over and over and over…)[/SIZE][/FONT]
[FONT=Arial][SIZE=3]7. Thank you for your message, which has been added to a queuing system. You are currently in 352nd place, and can expect to receive a reply in approximately 19 weeks.[/SIZE][/FONT]
[FONT=Arial][SIZE=3]8. Hi, I’m thinking about what you’ve just sent me. Please wait by your PC for my response.[/SIZE][/FONT]
[FONT=Arial][SIZE=3]9. I’ve run away to join a different circus.[/SIZE][/FONT]
[FONT=Arial][SIZE=3]10. I will be out of the office for the next two weeks for medical reasons. When I return, please refer to me as ‘Shirley’ instead of Scott.[/SIZE][/FONT]