Texts from Last Night - Pretty Funny

Thanks to ChevEE for posting this website (textsfromlastnight.com) in the shoutbox. If you need a good laugh take some time to read some of those, or post any of your funny texts you receive here.

(209): I am so f&$^ing pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
(859): Looks like you’ll have to stick to jizzing in socks

(617): Yeah, she’d be cute…but she has faith. It’s a problem down south.

(909): You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie

" I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti " :lmao:

LoL Hilarious!

between this and [URL]http://www.fmylife.com/[/URL] you can kill a lot of time.

[QUOTE=kevinharbin;420595]between this and [URL]http://www.fmylife.com/[/URL] you can kill a lot of time.[/QUOTE]

Today, I received my passport in the mail. They got my birthdate wrong. Then I picked up my birth certificate that I had sent in with the application. Turns out my parents have been celebrating my birthday on the wrong day for 16 years.
Today, my daughter asked me when was the first time I had sex. After I told her 22 she quickly shouted, "Beat ya!" She's thirteen.

My personal favorite so far:

(334): I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.

Sounds like a Jack Handy sketch…

From fmylife.com:

[URL=http://www.fmylife.com/love/3960027]Today, for our one year anniversary, my boyfriend decided to make me a patchwork blanket.[/URL][URL=http://www.fmylife.com/love/3960027] The thing is, the patches were stains from bedsheets from where the ‘wet spot’ was.[/URL][URL=http://www.fmylife.com/love/3960027] He thought it was romantic.[/URL][URL=http://www.fmylife.com/love/3960027] FML[/URL]