One thing I love in college basketball is creative smack talk. Either from a group or individual. By creative I eliminate “BS” cheer, “You suck”, or anything vulgar or profane. That stuff is not creative. One of my personal favorites was in the 1999 season when Cincy came to town. I watched a pre-game interview where Huggins was asked what he thought of all of the animosity that he faced on the road. His response was something like "I don’t yell at those people while they are trying to work. I never yell at them when I go to McDonalds."
I showed up as soon as the doors opened and both teams were in shoot around. It was quiet and I yelled out “Hey, Huggins”. To my surprise he turned around and looked at me. I yelled, “You wanna super size that for 39 cents?”, “I don’t work at McDonalds but I’m in your ear all game”. They finally turned on music overhead to keep us from yelling.
I asked Jeremy Hunt what that thing on his ankle was, when he turned around I asked him if the police need to keep tabs on him. I also asked him if he brought his girlfriend along so he could beat her after they lost.
I asked Calipari what he killed on the way over and put on his head.
We asked Kennedy if he had any spare change.
I asked Reggie Bryant why he decided to ruin his life by coming to SLU and losing to every team they played that was worth a damn. He took that one to heart.
I asked Drake to tell the Diener sisters to stop calling me, he was particularly fun because he responded, even while he was in the game.
I asked Seals if he liked to massage sacks, I told him he could take a shot at me if he wanted to, etc. I don’t really remember most of the smack I throw at players after the games.
Those are just some specifics that drew considerable attention from the players/coaches. Calipari just laughed, he’s a sleezeball, but he took a lot and let it roll off his back. Huggins is the scariest coach I’ve ever talked smack too. Mike Davis is the most fun. Reggie Theias talked back to me specifically the most.
There was a guy who rode the pine for Louisville in the late 90’s who had a hairstyle that looked like a jerry curl. During their layups every time he walked past us we all yelled, “Drip…Drip…Drip…Drip…Drip…” His teammates thought it was hilarious.
Brian Wardle was one of the biggest recipients of smack talk his entire time at Marquette. The treatment he got his senior year when he put up all of 0 points was one of the best bouts of harassment a player got from tip off to final buzzer.
There was a certain foreigner on St. Louis’ team that had a long last name that you couldn’t pronounce. It ended in zyweksi. Every time he would come near us I would cover one eye and read each letter of his last name out. He was the “Walking Eye Chart”
In the mid 90’s I told Spoon at Southern Miss that his girlfriend worked at Hooters.
He turned around and kind of smiled at me and I hit him with the “As a fry cook”.
I was with a guy who called one of the UL guys “A Team” all night.
He finally bit and asked the my buddy why he was calling him “A Team”?
“Cause you shoot a lot and don’t hit nuthin”
Many, many years ago, I went to a Mets game in Atlanta and a washed up George Foster was taking batting practice for the Mets. He laid off a bad BP pitch and a Met fan yelled in his best New Yawk accent, “Hey Jawge, good eye!” and as George turns and smiles the fan finishes with “Ya bum!” Foster deflated so fast he looked like a popped balloon. I laughed my ass off.
Back when the Hornets we decent, me and a buddy had 2nd row seats right behind the bench of the Utah Jazz.
Karl Malone was well on his way to 52 that night. In the early 4th quarter I yelled at Sloan, “Hey Jerry, tell Bristow to have Reid front Malone.” He cracked up and looked at me about 3 times and laughed like hell.
One of my personal favorites was to Aaron Hutchins of Marquette. He was a really good player but always played bad in Halton. I was filling his ear full about how bad he played here. I asked him if he had stage fright. He looked at me and said, “I go to school free”. I shot right back, “So do I. My parents pay everything. I’m on a full ride! Now tell me why you always choke here.”