A Chispmus Muricle
By Raha-aha-shad McCants
Twas da nite befo Easter, you know wha’ ahm sayin’?
No, wait, I mean Christmas, (dis kronic ain’t playin’)
I done had exams, erry thang seemed jus fine
I had colored bof pictures, stayed inside de line.
The team was all hangin, dey was at dey cribs
Except for ol’ Sean, who was out eatin’ ribs
My girrfriend Fallujah was waitin’ on me
Wif her hair up in dreads and her massive boo-ty.
When outside my dorm, dude start crankin his tunes
I jumped off my ho, (her azz big as TWO moons)
I jerked on the door, but the mofo was locked
Who ebber dis was was goan’ get his world rocked.
I went out de window but tripped on de curtain
I landed so hard that my kids will be hurtin
I looked up, said “damn!”, guess my eyes was all hazy
But there sat Coach Smif in some ride that was crazy…
Man, here I was, ready to give an azz whippin
But what I saw would make the pope think he trippin.
He had old school ballers all tied by a rope
To some wakked up old sled, (man, it mus be dis dope).
There was Zwikker, O’Koren, my boy Michael J
Montrose, Al Wood, and ol’ Brad Do-ri-tay
They all started pullin, Coach whipped wif a “Crack”
I ran dey azz down and I jumped in de back.
The next thing I know we wuz flyin around
(I just smoked one blunt, but it weighed half a pound)
“We will grant you one wish” came his old whiney voice,
“We will make you a champion? A rap star? Your choice!”
Man, ol’ fool can’t drive, it was scarey as hell
We near hit de Dean Dome and sideswiped de well
I grabbed his old throat and I snatched him around
And said, “Fool you had bes’ put dis b*tch on de ground!”
We dropped like a stone, headed straight for my place
My eyes started buggin, I covered my face.
“I must have your wish kid” (ol’ fool was retarded)
But I said what the hell and I got my brain started.
“Make me de bes’ player in all of the land
And mama a house that costs ten hundred grand”
Coach Smif went all crazy, his face turned all blue
He screamed “ONE, but I’m proud you can count up to two.”
We screeched to a halt, I was back safe at last
But I need one wish and I needed it fast
So I told that ol’ fool, I screamed right in his ear
"TO HELL WIF MY MAMA, PLAY-UH UB DE YUR!"
I stood as they left me, all laughing like fools
“We gave him a wish, but now he thinks he’s Jules!”